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lost again by ~mello-dreamer:iconmello-dreamer:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Other Romance > Open


your kisses tasted like whispering

and your hands were like
                                     hot
        shivers
across my s.k.i.n

your eyes were like secrets where they lingered
and they stole mine from me

delicate scars painted across

       skinlikesummernights

and my breath caught in my throat to see

        you
smile at me.

so without looking back
i fell
              down
                        down

into desireandlove

that tasted like

            m i d n i g h t.
©2005-2009 ~mello-dreamer
:iconmello-dreamer:

Author's Comments

i don't know, what do you think?

Comments


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:iconcamaroofdeth:
~Camaroofdeth Mar 5, 2005, 4:20:56 PM
I really like how the layout disrupts the flow of the poem. The varying speed and staccato structure gives the feel that the narrator is confused. I don't know confustion was intentional, but it creates a very vivid feeling; it makes it very easy for me to understand exactly (my perception of) the mindset of the narrator.

--
Here dead lie we because
we did not choose
To live and shame the land
from whih we sprung
Life, to be sure, is nothing
much to lose
But young men think it is;
and we were young.
-A.E. Houseman
:iconmello-dreamer:
~mello-dreamer Mar 5, 2005, 9:10:23 PM
thank you so much for the awesome comment. i can't really say whether the confusion was intentional or not, this was more of a writing out whatever came to mind poem. but now that you mention it, confusion is quite possibly lingering in my mindset. :invisible:
:iconangeljunkie:
*angeljunkie Mar 7, 2005, 10:23:54 PM
i agree with the first comment. the structure really makes this poem, brings out the words and emotions in this. i honestly can't find anything to criticize in this. very nicely done.

--
"You've a good heart," she told him. "Sometimes that's enough to see you safe wherever you go." Then she shook her head. "But mostly, it's not."
:iconmello-dreamer:
~mello-dreamer Mar 8, 2005, 5:59:22 PM
wow. what a lovely comment. i don't know what to say. glad you liked, thanks so much. :w00t!:
:iconamenite:
~Amenite Feb 8, 2006, 3:39:29 AM
It's very e.e. cummings, very much indeed. Lovely poem, I enjoyed it.
:iconmello-dreamer:
~mello-dreamer Feb 8, 2006, 5:34:15 AM
wow. best comment ever. i love ee cummings. thanks so much for reading and commenting! D

--
mello
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February 27, 2005
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