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Funny Story... by ~mello-dreamer:iconmello-dreamer:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open




Hey, do you want to hear something
funny?
I promise it’ll make you laugh
Maybe even ‘til you cry
It did for me.
Remember how you looked at me?
And how you spoke when we were
                    alone
And remember how you smiled at our inside jokes?
I know
It doesn’t sound funny yet
Just nostalgic
But the punch-line’s coming…
I don’t know if you remember
But I do
And for just a second
(I know it’s stupid)
But I almost
                           almost
                                             almost
almost
Thought maybe you could love me.

hah.
       some joke huh.
©2004-2009 ~mello-dreamer
:iconmello-dreamer:

Author's Comments

I don't know, just more of the same I suppose. Comments greatly appreciated, as usual!! Love it/hate it, praise/criticise, I don't care, just tell me what you think.

Stock is the beautiful janina.

Comments


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:iconseanhood:
~seanhood May 4, 2004, 3:17:42 PM
Interesting to combine the poem with the photograph - I can’t tell if the girl in the photo is the speaker of the poem or the object.

The poem itself has your usual sense of melancholy – one I like a lot.

I’d like it if both the image and the poem were more… personalized. The photograph looks staged and professional… so it doesn’t invoke a private memory or intimacy (although the expression on her face is evocative). The details of the poem could be more specific. What kind of look? What was it about that smile? What inside joke in particular. I think more specificity will make sharper emotional impact...

Just my idle thoughts.
:iconjac-chan:
~jac-chan May 4, 2004, 9:54:07 PM
I like it....it sounds like more stuff that has happend to you though, if so i am sorry. Its as if you are looking in all the wrong places for love.

--
.....eh.....
:iconmello-dreamer:
~mello-dreamer May 6, 2004, 3:43:50 PM
Hmm. My intention was that she be the speaker, but you suggest an interesting alternative. Glad you enjoy my style of writing...although the melancholy isn't all that much fun to live through, lol. The photo isn't mine, although I hope to start using my own soon. Good stock is so hard to find, especially with a specific expression in mind. I like the idea of including more specific details, I will definitely play around with that.
Thanks so much for the idle thoughts, awesome comment :hug:
:iconshillocjbnet:
~ShilloCjbNet May 14, 2004, 5:46:38 PM
nicely written .... liked the sarcastic note to it....
~shillo
"Letting go isn't moving on nor is it the act of losing the countless day dreams of what could have been... letting go is simply accepting the cruel reality...."
thought u mite like that.... sorry if i was out of line

--
______________________________ ___________
~Shillo

[link]
[link] -- poems
:iconnotrust:
~notrust May 16, 2004, 1:09:46 PM
Love this, especially the sarcastic undertone, very well written.:blackrose:

--
"There is something in each of us that wants us to be Unhappy. It creates in our imaginations problems that don't yet exist- quite often causing them to come true."
~Benjamin Hoff The Te of Piglet
:iconunknowntome:
~Unknowntome May 20, 2004, 4:15:25 PM
I like this. I am not a big commenter, tell me if I need to be, but when I elaborate, i sound pretty fucking stupid.
See ya,
Brian

--
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
-Abba Eban

A broken clock is right twice a day.
-Polish proverb

Your fantasies are unlikely. But beautiful.
-Radiohead
:iconelvenpath:
~elvenpath Jun 30, 2004, 5:30:35 AM
Lovely :hug:

--
Member of ~the-gimp ~alug ~RPG-Fanart ~bulgaria
Check my world domination plan [here]
:iconmello-dreamer:
~mello-dreamer Jun 30, 2004, 1:16:09 PM
Thank you SO much for commenting! I'm glad you liked it :hug:
:iconmathboy:
~mathboy Jul 27, 2004, 9:00:50 PM
Love the writing. I felt the girl was talking to me. Beauyiful work.
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